Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Sample Descriptive Answer

Here's another descriptive essay that I've written up to allow you to understand what an answer to this sort of question should look like. I've drafted up an answer more toward the peculiar side that I'll hope you'll enjoy. 

Give an account of your arrival at a very strange hotel. Describe the building, the surroundings, the staff and the other guests. [25]

The bright, mellow sunshine outside suddenly darkened into an ominous, black passageway as I stepped into the antiquated hotel. A flickering bulb, casting short burst of light on thick cobwebs and fuzzy spiders hung shakily on a thin wire. The walls were illuminated in bright neon green that was somehow dull as well - like fresh barf. Yuck! Cracks decorated the walls like abstract art, the mossy-green fungus leeching out of the corners and edges, framing it all together. Visceral, gruelling photos were plastered on the decrepit wall.

Shadows were cast under the eyes of the receptionist. His smile was contorted in a frightening way, curled around the edges, and his eyes were abnormally wide open, a puppet - even his arms seemed loose and dangly, his actions extreme and uncontrolled. Hardly formal, a strange tikki doll hung around his neck brought out the palm trees swaying on his Hawaiian t-shirt and beige of his baggy shorts. The rancid scent of incense - blends of jasmine, lavender, and other incomprehensible smells, seemed punch and harass my nose. Bleh! Gingerly handing my credit card to him, I received it caked with dirt and covered in slobber.

Shrill cries seemed to ring from the elevator, so I steered clear and stomped heavily on the creaking staircase, lugging my heavy suitcase around. Obstreperous neighbors trudged by, on a harangue. Hirsute all over, beards growing to their feet, hair curly and uncombed, and eyebrows bushy as could be, they prattled on. An old man bumped into the wall, as blind as a bat, and lost his balance, like a toddler learning to walk. Eerily, his legs kept swinging back and forth like a robotic machine and his words poured out in a static monotone. Willing up courage from the deepest depths of my soul, I lightly ‘staccato-tapped’ a man with the very tip of a sleek, shiny pen, and he suddenly blared “MARCH 18, 1862,” as loud as a fire alarm, as though it was his birthday.

I scurried quickly past. I continuously trudged on for what seemed like minutes, until I glanced at my watch whose hour hand had turned 180 degrees! The staircase was never ending, seeming to go on to infinity, like looking up at space in the sky and wondering where it would end. Popping stale candy into my mouth, I tried to extract any hints of sweet, succulent flavor remaining, only to receive hard, sharp shards tasting like the oven-baked bricks of the building. A chill went up my spine as I heard some scuttling magnified, like a loud whisper, and turned back as quick as lightning to see -

A wave of spiders! It was like a tsunami, inescapable. Leaving my suitcase stranded to fend for itself, I ran as fast as a cheetah, cursing myself for stepping foot into this prison.

-----

Again, the highlighted parts are the areas with a problem. I was trying to imply that the people in the hotel had been stuck there since its inception, but it didn't quite work out. Here's what I'd say to replace it instead: He wore a dirty-grey Confederate uniform, and his eyes seemed to roll backwards, opaquely glazed over. His countless honors and medals that attempted to stand rather too proudly against the drab backdrop that was the shredded cloth on his shoulder seemed worn out and forgotten.

Another problem I had was with adding too many commas where they weren't necessary. After reading the answer aloud, I cancelled out a number of them to make the essay seem more natural.

Thereby you have to comprehend the problems with your essay and fix those problems. Feel free to send any sample answers to me, and I'll make sure to leave constructive criticism on it, as I understand that it's troublesome to know your difficulties unless someone points them out.

I'll post a post with a few tips to implement in the meanwhile!

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Descriptive Writing

Descriptive writing in IGCSE is often considered the more demanding of the two options during the exam (narrative and descriptive), as rather than simply rambling on, it requires a relatively strong vocabulary to describe the relevant mood, creative and original syntheses of images, and fluency. It also requires touching on certain devices and points, like literary devices (metaphors, similes, onomatopoeia, etc.) and the five senses. You must also include variation: not only of sentence lengths, but also types (for example, starting with different sentences). Overall, your aim is to show, NOT tell. 

This video: 'Mr. Bruff's Tips for Descriptive Writing' would definitely be helpful in understanding these tips better. This link: https://igcse-revision.wikispaces.com/Descriptive+Writing provides you of the understanding of the kinds of devices you should use, but I'm not here for that. 

I'm here to show you what your answer should look like and other tips rather than the simple list of english literature conventions. I saw maybe one or two sample answers during my entire IGCSE, and that's what really made a difference to my writing

Here's an example of descriptive writing that I've written up to give you an example of what it should look like, as I've found that a sample answer often proves to be more valuable than anything else:

Describe the scene and atmosphere when you visit a theme park, fairground or carnival.

The sweltering heat seemed to mitigate as brilliant blue sky mellowed into a placid orange, the salty sea breeze spraying onto the light brown boardwalk. The pink cotton candy sticks were like the feathery clouds dotting the sky, but those clouds above weren't nearly as sugary or fluffy. Only static black thread and toothpicks molded into an infant’s building blocks from afar, the bright multicolored lights flashed here and there on the solid spinning structures as I gaped in awe from the mobbed ticket booth. 

Shrill screams burst out. Creaking metal clash. Clowns guffawed. But together, with the jovial, timeless carnival music accompanied by giggles of laughter from prancing children, a mellifluous tune was composed. Overwhelmed by a strong scent, I became a hound dog, searching for the source - was it the gooey, cheesy-caramel mix of popcorn? Or wafts of the rich, indulgent burger flowing from the small cafe? A man held the sides of a filthy tall trash can, retching, his face dunked in, his whole body wriggling like a caterpillar. Food - later. 

Like a thin stream of ants to a lollipop, people trickled into line, which was getting longer than the 250 foot drop itself, and would take longer than four seconds. Chattering like monkeys, they were oblivious to the lengthy stretch, prattling on and on about the supreme banana that they would experience in around an hour. They were as enraged as bears as I flashed my VIP pass, gritting their teeth as if ready to take a bite out of me. And I, like a fluffy rabbit, hid my face and scuttled quickly away from the scowls of the predators. 

Floating with the clouds, the ferris wheel was a rolling bracelet, the water slide a twisted loop of string, the cable cars moving marbles. It looked just as small and tidy as the map on my brochure - ah!  I had felt weightless - my stomach was in my throat, my sweaty hands clenched the seat, my eyes popped open. I was shaking like a tambourine, yet a wide grin rested on my face, like my comrades. 

Giant fluffy bears, elephants, and dogs, their arms outstretched, beckoned me over to small shops, where money was sure to go down the drain. The ring was to be placed on the giant open mouth, and three would result in a perfect marriage - me and my lion. One, two and three! I had emerged victorious from the exhilarating battle. Lugging my trophy around as a sign of great skill (perhaps luck), licking a triple-scooped rocky road ice cream cone, envy shone on every child’s face as they gawked at me. I lived the life of a child as an adult, for that brief evening.

-----

Of course, there are some uncomfortable phrases that don't fit in - I've highlighted one of them. Your image needs to be likened to that of a wider audience rather than simply something that may make somewhat sense to you. What that highlighted portion was supposed to be was the black shadow of roller coasters in various shapes as the sun set behind the park, but that clearly was not able to convey its message to the audience. Therefore think about each image and if it's clear to you and will be clear to the examiner. Try to find a better way to illustrate the highlighted phrase, and try to do the same with phrases with your writing. 

Most of descriptive writing is simply imagining a familiar scene in your head, and looking at each individual aspect, then trying to put all of those aspects together in an interesting way. It all comes with practice and feedback, and continuing that loop until perfect (though for english, there's almost always room for improvement).

I'll continue to post more essays to allow give a better idea of what a descriptive answer should look like.